What Happens to Children During Emergencies? How Should We Answer Children’s Questions in Times of War?
Prof. Dorit Aram, Head of the Early Childhood Research Lab at the School of Education, Tel Aviv University, and an alumna of the School of Education at Tel Aviv University, presented her Five-Part Parenting Model for Times of Emergency in a dedicated webinar for parents, organized by the Tel Aviv University Alumni Organization in light of the current situation.
Prof. Aram Explains:
“A model of parental behavior begins first and foremost with self-awareness. In times of emergency, the recommendation for parents is to pause and breathe before responding to their children. We all enter wartime carrying a ‘backpack’ of daily worries and work-related stress, and it is highly recommended to do some inner work to respond from a clearer, calmer place. The first helpful tool is breathing. In addition, it is advisable to process and ventilate emotions with friends or partners, not with children. A parent’s distress inevitably predicts a child’s distress, which is why self-compassion is essential. Do the best you can-that is always good enough, even if it’s not exactly what you had planned.”
The Five-Part Parenting Model for Times of Crisis
The model developed by Prof. Dorit Aram addresses parenting during times of crisis and includes five key principles to understand and apply: Partnership, Leadership, Love, Autonomy, and Structure.
Partnership
Partnership between primary caregivers (usually the parents) involves sharing responsibilities and supporting one another-even when there are disagreements. The adults must remain present for the child in caregiving, leisure time, and communication with educational frameworks. Open dialogue is recommended to resolve conflicts that arise under stress.
Humane Leadership
Parents are “the drivers of the family car.” This form of leadership considers the child’s needs, provides a personal example, and believes in the child’s abilities. In stressful situations, it is best to act calmly, offer brief and clear explanations, and maintain a consistent routine that fosters a sense of control and hope.
Unconditional Love
Offer love simply for who the child is, regardless of achievements. In times of emergency, physical closeness is important—but care should be taken not to turn the child into the parent’s “soother.” In protected spaces, it is helpful to create moments for personal connection—conversation, storytelling, or even humor. Accept children’s fears with understanding—they are natural.
Autonomy
Encourage children to complete tasks according to their abilities and avoid rushing to solve every problem for them. Just as a butterfly must emerge from its cocoon on its own in order to fly, children need opportunities to try and succeed. Offer choices within the situation (for example: which game to bring to the shelter). If there is a regression in behaviour, respond with understanding.
Structure (Rules)
Present clear rules (rather than vague “boundaries”). Rules help maintain both children’s and parents’ mental and physical well-being. During crises, focus on rules that you truly intend—and are able—to enforce consistently.
In Conclusion
Parents are the primary agents in children’s development and play a crucial role in helping them cope with stressful events while reducing potential negative effects. Family resilience is built through effective communication among family members.
Effective parenting supports both the child’s and the parent’s well-being, creating a stable foundation for resilience and the ability to handle the challenges.
